Funny Amish jokes....

One day a little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."



Mrs. McTanish (looking out of window)--" Mac, here comes company for dinner."
Mr. MacTanish--"Quick everbody! Grab a toothpick and get out on the porch!"



The celebrated soprano was singing a solo when Bobby said to his mother, referring to the conductor of the orchestra: "Why does that man hit at that woman with a stick?"
"But he isn't hitting at her," replied the mother.
"Well then, what's she hollerin' for?"



The mother said firmly, "If you two boys can't agree and be quiet, I shall take your pie away.
The younger one replied,"But Mother, we do agree; Bill wants the biggest piece and so do I!"



"Papa, are you growing taller?"
"No, my child, why do you ask?"
" 'Cause the top of your head is poking up through your hair."



"Do you know where you can get a good chicken diner for 15 cents?"
"No, where?"
"At the feed store."



Q. ''If a rooster layed an egg on the east side of the top of a grassy hill when it was windy, which side would it roll down?"
A. "Neither side.....a rooster can't lay eggs."



One pastor said that his church people would be the first to go up in the rapture.
He gave his reason: "The bible says: 'The dead in Christ shall rise first.' "